MISTAKES, PSYCHOLOGY & INCOMPETENCY
Greetings Reader! If you Genuinely Clicked this Blog, then you are amongst those people who believe that Learning can come from anywhere-which, for now, this has made you land on my Blog; but if this was a MISTAKE, then wow, you made a Mistake that made you come to a Blog that is WRITTEN ON MISTAKES and the web it makes!
If you have been reading my Blogs, You would have seen that being a Science Pursuing Student, Psychology is among those Few Topics that I have hardly had in my Academics, yet, I have been fascinated by it a lot! Like right when you saw the Title of this blog has the word “MISTAKE”, you would surely have THOUGHT SOMETHING-and this would be based on how you and your surrounding DEALT WITH THAT WORD!
Being Humans, we all are prone to make mistakes, and honestly, there is nothing wrong with it, but have we been taught well? Have we been Taught How to Deal with Mistakes and their Repercussions?
Let’s dive into this word and unveil its side that I feel is hardly ever scrapped or shown, yet always expected to be known-
MISTAKES- STEPS TOWARDS PROGRESS
Being amongst the approximately 80% of people around the Globe who are at least High School Pass-outs, you have studied for around 12 years, and this is enough to bring my Point out. Having been a student for at least 12 years, you would have been given ample exams-from the Ones you gave at home for practising, to the ones that you gave in the classroom to pass the class. But here is where things take a wrong turn-which even did for me until I was in 11th and I was properly guided. You see when in school, we are judged based on grades(now, feel free to deny and cry out loud that “My School did not do so” or “That is not correct for our school”, but believe me, your reputation was solely dependent on Your marks, followed by how well you did in Sports and other co-curricular activities, and behaviour and then other things, which if you want, you can include). So, the point is not to defame or berate the Educational System(for we all know the reality), but to rather emphasize something important that went unchecked not just by schools, but even our parents(the reason being, they too might be the manufacturing of the same Defective System). In schools, we are so focused on ACING the things we do, that we forget that THIS IS A JOURNEY and that THE JOURNEY AND ITS LEARNING IS WHAT MATTERS(and yes, if you haven’t yet realized this, I am sure you would say that JOURNEY and all these things are complete bs; and even my past delusional self-thought so).
Since we forget this, added with the Psychology that is created that MISTAKES SHOULD BE AVOIDED(as taught to us by the Schooling Systems and surroundings), creating an equation in your mind-
Mistakes = Criticism = Bad = Should be Avoided
we head down the worst road. A Road that seems smooth and the CROWDED one. Seeing that the Majority is walking this Path, we too chose a path that offers the slightest chance of Mistakes.
Now, many people would say- “Isn’t it good to make fewer mistakes?”, and yes, it feels PROUD that I made fewer mistakes, but this is an indication. In life, when was the time when you learnt something without making mistakes? Did you start to ride a bike without falling? Did you start swimming the very first time you dove into the water? The answer is NO.
If LIFE itself teaches you that MISTAKES are not BAD, and that, HUMANS ARE CREATURES THAT ARE BUILT IN A WAY WHERE WE LEARN BY MISTAKES, then why not PROMOTE them? Why not Consider mistakes as a Step Towards Progress rather than a Certification of being Bad at something? And, if you are not making mistakes on your path to Greatness, then you are for sure not on the ACTUAL path to Greatness!
THE CATALYTIC SURROUNDING
If you agree with some, if not all, then you might even relate to this. Seeing that the SYSTEM has got hold of you, many people think that there is no escape, but some of you would know the fact-Two Hidden Escape Buttons in this System. The two Escape Systems are PARENTS and PEERS.
FAMILY and our FAMILY MEMBERS are our very FIRST SCHOOL. Now, if you have understanding parents, the ones who know what the SYSTEM does to you, and that, it is not the right path, parents help as the biggest escape button. I would like to share a Personal Experience here-
“I was in 11th Standard, the first year where Indian Students, especially the Science Enthusiasts, prepare for one of the TOUGHEST EXAM- JEE. While I was in my preparatory phase, I would say that, yes, I was a good student who knew Science well, and who could solve Good Questions well and mostly correctly, but exams and Evaluations were places where I was a BIG MAN OF MISTAKES! I vividly remember, one day, after our lecture, there was a class conversation where all my class friends were talking about How They were PUNISHED when they scored less and would make Mistakes in the Exam. I won’t be naming them, so take it this way-One said that the Parents would Shout and Scold, while the other said the remedy by parents was Beating, while a few said Taunting! While they were talking, I was listening to what they all said, and I was shocked and overwhelmed! When they all asked me, I said, and I quote- “Wow, is that what your parents do? Back at my home, my Mom usually asked me why it went wrong, and politely guides me to pay more attention, while my father would give some motivational words with a bit of expression of disappointment” and listening this, they were shocked, and none of them believed!”
If the Sky is still cloudy for you, let me get this straight- it was the SURROUNDING and the ENVIRONMENT that helped me.
While my peers made the Equation as I said above- Mistakes scared them and they started fearing them, thus tried to find ways to Avoid or HIDE them; On the other hand, my Parents, and not to forget, my Great Teachers, encouraged me to LEARN, to MAKE AS MANY MISTAKES AS POSSIBLE. I vividly remember that my Father used to say that- “All these Small Mistakes are a Rather Blessing! Someone up there wants you to Fail Now, so that when There is the Most Important Jump, You Succeed there!”.
These all embedded an equation in my brain-
Mistakes = Blind Spot Revealer = Learn and Grow = Get Better.
I remember, there was a time when my POOR PERFORMANCE in class was making me feel depressed and down. It was at that time when Antarkar Sir(my Mathematics Professor)opened my eyes and motivated me, and I still remember that day down to a single words-he just made me realize(not using the exact words, but I am sure they feel was this)-
“These Marks that you get in the Class Tests won’t get you into any college-They will Prepare you to get into a Good College if you learn your weak points and work on them, else, will help you Quit Studies out of frustration and anger if you follow the same trajectory you are currently on. Now, the choice is yours!”.
Thus, if you are a parent reading this, encourage your child to mistakes to LEARN FROM THEM AND GROW, and when they DO make MISTAKES, BE THE ONE WHO FOCUSES ON THE SOLUTION TO THOSE PROBLEMS OF MISTAKES, NOT THE ONE WHO TALKS ABOUT AND AROUND ONLY PROBLEM.
CONSEQUENCES
While some are encouraged to make mistakes and are NOT SCARED TO MAKE MISTAKES, they are the ones who hold the guts to rise above and emerge on the other side as the winners. On the other hand, the ones who are made to see MISTAKES as SOMETHING AVOIDABLE, a Result followed by a Series of Action that is Undesirable, they focus on NOT MAKING MISTAKES, THAN EXCELLING AT THE THING. And hear me out closely, these are two very different things-I WANT TO BE A WINNER and I DON’T WANT TO BE A FAILURE(I say this from personal experience as a resident of both Sides-and it is our Choice that decides where we want to belong).
While the first one-I WANT TO BE THE WINNER, is a mentality that is always pushing you to be the Best, and there is no Satisfaction until it is achieved, and maintained. It is a Reminder, a reminder that the WORK IS NOT YET OVER, and there are still long miles to be covered.
But, I DON’T WANT TO BE A FAILURE is a completely different thing. Its FOCUS is NOT TO ATTAIN VICTORY, or BE THE BEST; instead, the focus is FAILURE(that is, to not make mistakes and fail). So, even the slight efforts that you make to stay above the FAILURE LINE, give you the feeling of VICTORY-since you aimed NOT TO BE A FAILURE, by just being above that, you are satisfied.
This is the reason that you would see that People resort to IMPROPER WAYS to just MAKE IT to AVOID FACING MISTAKES, AVOIDING FAILING. Since the person has never failed, he never knows what it takes to get hit, take the fall, and then rise again. The struggle of Rising is unknown, and the extensive efforts that BUILD THE PERSON WHICH IN TURN ENABLE HIM TO REACH THE PEAK remain unknown, we find a lot of INCOMPETENCY AROUND US.
And, when I say incompetency, it is not just academically, I say incompetent humans- the ones who are NOT fully capable of Managing Work, Managing Life, Dealing with Day-To-Day Problems, and many other things. They fail to emerge as a COMPLETE PERSON, just because they started with a WRONG MENTALITY!
In clearer words, and an easy-to-understand example of what the difference in mentality-when you Aim to be the Winner, you focus on the Path and the People Ahead of you and between you and your Goals. But, when you aim to NOT BE A FAILURE, you look behind you; the distance by which you made through that Line that separates Failure from you(while you have no clue what is going ahead of you, where the actual race lies).
So, this was the problem that was created in your mind, which gets deeply ROOTED-something that you can’t get rid of easily, as it takes a complete Mental Reboot, something which rarely people are up to, even when they know the results would be magnificent-because when we BELIEVE in something, it becomes really hard for us to let go of the belief. It becomes difficult for us to accept that it was a mere BELIEF and not a FACT!
So what I said above, was amongst one of the most common paths that people choose when MISTAKES is what FEARS and HAUNTS THEM. When the Fear of Mistake, the Fear of feeling dejected, Lacking Behind and Failing-these all come in front of you-you realize that you are not WELL TAUGHT HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM(as most of the time, you would be having discussions on PROBLEMS, rather than THE SOLUTION TO THEM). This is the reason why people end up with Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and whatnot that affects their regular life, and sometimes sadly, take their LIFE AWAY AS WELL.
THE END?
All I have to say at the end is that Embrace Mistakes-it is okay to Be Wrong(but don’t take this out of context, when I say it is okay to be wrong, I mean that Don’t treat MISTAKES as something TO BE AVOIDED. Rather, make mistakes, PROVIDED, and I repeat, PROVIDED YOU WORK ON THEM AND MAKE SURE THE SAME MISTAKES DO NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!).
Let us all cultivate the seeds of Tinkering into ourselves, and even in the brains of the Coming Generations-let us not be the ones who bar their potential and their thinking by the rods of FEAR OF FAILURE and MISTAKES. Let us normalize the teaching that MISTAKE IS THE VERY PROOF THAT YOU EVEN TRIED. ALTHOUGH NOT SUCCEEDED, YET YOU TRIED, WHICH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO HELP YOU SUCCEED THE NEXT TIME BY WORKING ON THE THINGS, THAT YOU CAME TO KNOW, WERE YOUR DRAWBACKS. Let us embed the inequation-
MISTAKES > > > > > > > GIVING UP
so that the next time nobody thinks that it is RATHER Okay to give up. Just before ending this, I would like to tell a story-story of my attitude for dealing with the things(which I consider a game changer)-
“I had not prepared for the Advanced-an exam for which aspirants prepare for 2+ years. I was qualified to give that exam-an exam for which I had never prepared. So, I had two choice-give up or give exam for which I have had Zero Preparation; and you know what I said to myself- I WOULD RATHER LIKE TO BE CALLED A FAILURE THAN A COWARD QUITTER! And it was this that made me work hard for a month-probably, the BEST TIME OF MY 11TH AND 12TH PREPARATION WAS WHEN I PREPARED FOR THIS EXAM. Although I did not Qualify, and failed, the Journey, the Experience and the fact that even giving exam makes me feel proud of myself; for I too, back then, feared Mistakes and seeing myself overcome is inexpressible!”
I know that many of you might have related to what I said(as in, what I wrote, since this is a blog) and would agree to this; but then, you would say that I FIND IT HARD TO CHANGE, and all those Excuses, for which I have only one answer-
“What Else Did You Expect But Hard?”. All the Important, Crucial and Life-Changing things Are Hard-that is the reason you have countable Successful people, but Multitudes of Mediocre.
So get up, and be ready to work to change, if not, then don’t be the Groaner who cries for things not to change. A Plant too, has to overcome the sand, push through it, and make its way to come to the surface then you are a Human! Overcome the Tides that want to drown you, and emerge as the VICTOR, not a VICTIM!
PS: A BACKGROUND TO THIS BLOG IDEA
It was not so long back, when I was sitting in my College Library, and was reading the book by Robert Kiyosaki “Rich Dad Poor Dad” and there was a sentence in the Book that hit me, and I quote the book lines-
“Arrogant and Critical People are often people with low self-esteem who are afraid of Taking Risks, that is because, if you want to learn something new, you are then REQUIRED TO MAKE MISTAKES to FULLY UNDERSTAND what you are learning”
Reading this, I was astonished, and the reality hit me like, Although I had lived the experiences, had this thought, yet, it hadn’t surfaced and was hidden in the depths of my vast mind. It was when I read this after a class where all were competitive, I realized this and decided to write a Blog on this!
So let this blog, which I now realised, has become a bit too long, come to an end-until next time we meet again, Keep Learning, and Keep Growing😄
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#The Blog was Originally Published by me on 2nd September 2023 on My Website
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